If It's, Trains, Planes, or The Back of The Bus - Part 1

Fuckin' with us, trust (We travel)
If the, price is right and the crowd is tight
Yo any time of night (We travel)
Just put us on the road (We travel)

-Masta Ace from the song Travelocity from the album A Long Hot Summer

Fam, what's really good? I know The Champ has been slacking in the blog department, but it's been real in the field, but we'll get to all that. Let's just say that the last year plus has been interesting¹, in a good way. Last summer was one of the better summers in recent memory and I owe it to you all to document it here. I promise that I will, but we got some things we gotta get out of the way first. I promise that we'll get to the story of King Slick and the Old Bunny, The Most Random Night Ever and How I Got Dumped by A Pregnant and Engaged Bunny That Was Not Pregnant By Nor Engaged to Me. For now, we'll talk about how The Champ had quite the international experience recently. My experience can best be summed up but the European experience of fellow Harlemite, Dame Dash, as told to Gentleman's Quarterly magazine:

Dash has just returned from two weeks in Europe and South Africa and announces to his staff: "We're well equipped to take over the world. I just came from around the world, and I'm the coolest nigga on the planet. No ones better than us. Not in London, not in Paris, not in Africa, not in Amsterdam. We can set up anywhere and take over. Were too deep. We're too strong." Employees take note.

It really is AG out there fam. Between the women that loved my "American accent" (yes I really did get my Lucien on) and the general hustle attitude, the world is primed for the taking. Folks, lets get on top of our Passport and Visa game and get our Brain on, early! Plus, it's blatantly obvious that the Dollar has gone the way of the permanent crease on two tone Lees. It's all about getting our Pounds Sterling up! There are 150 reasons why we should be geared toward world domination, but I'm only going to deal with five. Reason 1 - I'm fly everywhere on the planet. Reason 2 - I'm cakey everywhere on the planet . Reason 3 -My pimpin' is strong everywhere on the planet. Reason 4 - I'm in EVERY hood . Reason 5 - I don't own a pair of chancletas.

Your Champion began his journey with our very long plan ride where I found myself across the aisle, in front of and in back of some Hacidic Jews. I have no problems with the Hebrews and Shebrews of the Hasidim and their black coats and hats, but I do take BIG issues with their lack of hygiene. 7 hours on a plane is a REAL long time when your nose is burning! The affects that Jet Blue has had on the airline industry are tremendous. Everyone is not quite up on the satellite TV yet, but they do have the digital feeds for the in flight entertainment. While this has not eliminated having total crap for movies (people really paid to see Hairspray?? Word??), you at least now have options. I thankfully had my trusty laptop and a cadre of DVDs to keep myself entertained. Little did I know that would be the most fun that I would have for the next few hours!

Never let it be said that The British don't take pride in their country. It's probably not a good thing to see the headline of the daily newspaper station "What To Do About Immigration Crisis" when you get off a plane in a new country. The confusion and borderline anger I felt were exacerbated by a little world history. If there is a country on the planet that should have an open door policy it's the United Kingdom. This is after all the epicenter of Europeans that thought it a good idea to get on a boat for months, go other places and take over. The underdevelopment and outright pillaging of other nations by Britain alone goes down as some of the most atrocious and numerous genocides in history. Silly me, I was only considering what they've done to dark people of the world and thought that they didn't want the people that they wronged coming to the mother land to get some getback. Further inspection of the paper showed that the actual crisis was that there are a high number of people immigrating to the UK from Eastern bloc countries. Who knew that the British hated white people too?

With this in mind, I should have been more prepared for my voyage through customs. It may not have been so, but it sure did seem as if I was at customs for as long as I was on the plane. I could not help but notice how many of the people on my flight (without red passports) got their stamps and went on their merry way much faster than I. I know that the Dollar is pretty weak out in the world right now, but I wasn't trying to sneak into the country and add to the immigration crisis either. While I've entertained the thought of working in London for a year or 2, I'd be on the up and up about that! The chick with the stereotypically bad teeth at customs obviously did not get the memo and felt that it was her duty to ask me a million and one questions about how long I was staying, what I did for work back "in the States" and how I could be away from it so long. Although every fiber of my being ached for it, slapping fire out of her would create more problems than it was worth, so I chilled. After this lengthy inquisition, I finally was able to link up wih King Slick who had already set up shop and was able to give me the lay of the land. This briefing would come in handy for the adventures to come.

When King Slick wasn’t rippin' hides, we managed to get out and about both on the typical tourist routes and a little off the beaten path. Note that this trip occurred in November 2007, a week after the NY Giants played the Miami Dolphins at Wembly stadium. That probably worked to our advantage as we overheard many a person question whether or not we were “American Footballers". It may also lend itself to why in certain places we were looked at like we just landed in a spaceship.

I once took a Sociology class where as an assignment we had to pick a bus route, ride the bus from end to end and take note of the neighborhood changes along the route. I recommend that everyone this in your own or another city. ”. As I noted above, Britain has had its hand in colonizing most of the world and as to be expected, many of the people of the colonies (or the descendants of whom that were brought to the country the old fashioned way) seek to better then lives.

_{^{The good old fashioned way.}}

This makes it quite the melting pot of cultures. It’s also the culinary saving grace for this country. Please believe that the stereotypes are true. Traditional British food SUCKS!! It’s all either deep fried or pork filled. The ethnic foods are definitely the way to go. We stopped at a crepe place in downtown London and King Slick asked for a certain crepe to be made without Ham and the place came to a screeching halt. It was like those MasterCard commercials where someone comes in and wants to pay with cash. He may have been better off just talking about someone’s mother. They seemed just as offended. It was also interesting to see how some things are just consistent across the world. Take the trains at Paddington station. The conductors were all white, and the people cleaning the trains were all black. Sound familiar? As far as the hood goes (yes they do have hoods in London, even though everyone there sounded like Jeffery²), This picture should be worth more than a thousand words!!!

^{Hood consistency Number 1. A Fried Chicken joint. I know what you are thinking. There is a liquor store on this block as well.}

This is as good a place as any to stop for now. Part II will detail The Funny Thing That Happened on the Way to Barcelona, Parisians and their crepes and how my radio show is more piff than some bunny from Jersey that thinks she's cool because she lives in London.

¹ While I encourage you all to comment, let’s keep the spoilers to a minimum for those that are enjoying the ride here

² When I hear black people with British accents speak, this is what I think. Don't judge me.

Comments

[Spyware Blockers]

I have been reading your posts lately, just want to say thanks for all informative stuff i have found here, helped me learn alot lately.

Much Regards, Mark