At Times My Going Forward Seems Like Retreat

As I be writing rhyme after rhyme, and throw away beats"

- The Artist Formerly Known As Sense, Invocation, from the album One Day It'll All Make Sense

This may come as a shock to some of you, but there was a time in life when The Champ was not so deliberate and precise with his syntax. Some use to call it outright smart mouthed. I liked to think of it as a sense of candor that only the most honorable of souls could possess. My mother and my dear Aunt Betty were like bad cop and badder cop in how we shall say, correcting this behavior. On her most diplomatic of days, my Aunt Betty would say "You can think anything you want, nobody can take that away from you, but you don't always have to say what you are thinking.” I really didn't (and sometimes still don't) see what the big deal was, it was not like I ever lied. Honesty is the best policy, right? There were plenty of times where I saw what Aunt Betty was saying, as this much candor sometimes caused uncomfortable situations. I really couldn't help myself and sometimes I thought I was born with a disability, that disability being the lack of the mechanism between thought and speech. Well, after 3 decades, I think I finally am able to put what Aunt Betty was trying to teach me into practice.

Peep game: There's this girl that use to live in my building that's about my age. Her grandmother still lives on the third floor and has always had a sweet spot for The Champ. It's pretty safe to say that Granny once had the notion that her granddaughter and the boy next door (upstairs) would grow up and get married and pump out some great grandkids. That's right y'all, Granny wanted The Champ in a Snuggly. She hates my freedom worst than the terrorist and both of The Champ's sisters do. What part of the game is that??? Anyway, up until a little more than a year ago, Granny would always throw her little darts about The Champ and her Granddaughter. I noticed that the darts stopped, but never really questioned why. One night, on my way home from the gym, The Champ was presented with why they stopped. Said granddaughter was visiting (she now lives out of state) shouted out The Champ:

GrandDaughter: HEY CHAMP, WHAT'S POPPINGTON?!?!?! I ain't seen you in months.

The Champ: 'Sup GrandDaughter, it's been a while since you been through for a visit.

The Champ's Inner Dialogue (ID): and I know that because your grandmother told me so. Are you that caught up in that trifling ass, no good ass purse snatching queer you call a man that you can't come check in on your grandmother?

GD: Yeah, it's been a little bit, but I'm working on getting better. I got married on Saturday.

The Champ: REALLY?!?!??!! Congratulations! I saw your son dressed up on Saturday.

ID: And was really hoping that he was in someone else's wedding. I can't believe you married that ass clown. You are intent on killing your grandmother aren't you?? What made you think that marrying that fool was a good idea??

GD: Yeah, we got married in Central Park.

The Champ: Saturday was a nice day for a wedding.

ID: Wow, this has to be one of the worst ideas in the history of bad ideas. What brought on the wedding, were you guys watching Law and Order and had the bright idea that you could not be brought to testify against this lame if you were married?

GD: It was really nice; I wish you could have been there, too. My grandmother said that she should have brought you as her date.

The Champ: That would have been cool; you know how I love your grandmother.

ID: Are you fucking kidding me?? There's no fucking way I would have come to that huff shit. I'd sooner beat my dick with sandpaper. And if you really wanted me there, you knew where to find me, bitch stop frontin'. Besides, it would have hurt my heart to see your grandmother cry tears of pain.

GD: She loves you too, always has. Thank you for helping her with that Medicare stuff, she really didn't understand it.

The Champ: That's no problem, anything for her. I didn’t understand it either, but they do good work at the center that I took her to.

ID: YOU could have helped her if you were not so caught up in that chain snatching, dope smokin' maricon.

GD: I can't believe you still holdin' it down around here, I thought you been would have left.

The Champ: Somebody has to do it, why not me??

ID: Don't worry about where I rest. I'm good.

The Champ: When's the honeymoon?

GD: I just got back; I'm here to pick up the kids. We went to The Pocono’s.

The Champ: Oh, that's cool.

ID: Are you fucking kidding me?? That Janitor School drop out took you less than 30 miles from where you live on a honeymoon?

GD: Yeah, it's not like the trips you be takin', but we had a good time.

The Champ: That's what matters most.

GD: So when are you getting married and gonna have some kids. The years aren't running in reverse and you are going to be one year older in a few days.

The Champ: Slow down on that one, I have no plans on any of that at the moment.

ID: Player, don't hate my freedom because it's beautiful. You just want me hemmed up like you are. I come and go as I please, I don't even have plants and that's all for a reason!!!!!! Watch your mouth.

GD: Well, don't wait too long; you don't want to be too old running behind kids.

The Champ: The longer I wait, the younger my wife will have to be.

GD: You silly. Well, my twosome looks like they ready to hit the road. Thanks again for helping my grandmother.

The Champ: Get home safely GD, and that's no problem.

ID: Even though it seems like you are trying to put her into the grave. Cut that out.

See, it may have taken more than 30 years, but I have finally learned and applied what Aunt Betty was trying to teach.

Comments

[The Mad Light Skinneded Chick]

I'm still not sure about how I feel about having a filter. I remember being younger and having a friend who, after making what I thought was a VERY bad choice saying, "only God can judge me." I countered, "Yes, but that won't stop me from telling you that you're stupid."